Sunday, January 13, 2013

An answer that i need to find in my life.

As salam,,,

Here i am! Sitting on my favorite place in CAIS and all alone. Kesian nyer bunyi ae~ Yela, CAIS pun x ramai orang, brape kerat je yg dtg mentelaah buku. Reason why i came to CAIS bcoz nak internet laju je. Bole tgk youtube and tgk movies. Download some songs ka and read books. Since all my friend da sampai kat rumah, I still terpacak kat UNIMAS lagi. Never mind, I love being here anyway. But na jenjalan,,,hmm,,,oh ya, recently i just thought that i want keluarga angkat kat Sarawak ni. Senang skit, kalo pe2 hal jadi ke,,,at least ad org yg tgkkan. And one more thing, i hope to see how peoples here punye life in a family kan. I dont mind if i get a non-muslim nyer family. Lagi suke =) But nak cari nyer I don't know how. Hope somebody willing to help me. Mesti wonder kan why i like non muslim family angkat? Even though susah sbb you have to take care you nyer aurat and eating la and perform a prayer. Pastu rase bersalah pun ada la because of the differences. Tak try x thu kan? Well, i like to experience something different. I want to feel the differences.

Am i afraid? Yes. Am i excited? Yes.

I am afraid because i might getting away from what i supposed to do. Ok, senang citer tkut jauh dr ALLAH. Because u have been a  place where there is no one yg muslim and there is no one yg mengingatkan u about ALLAH. Lagipun, the way they live is far from a muslim family la kan. Takut terpengaruh. Yup. That yg I tkut. Same like I want to be an participant observer one day- Insy-ALLAH- where you have to live in a stranger place. A place that is differences from your way of life. To have to observe tu ok la kan but becoming the participant in their everyday life. That I risau. If some of their everyday life tu contradict to your religion mcm na? Takkan you na ikut? If you tak ikut, how you want to become a REAL participant observer then? you're not fully participate. I didn't find any of the answer yg dpt legakan hati I lagi. I don't want to think it susah because bile dah set kan mind susah, the consequences will be susah. It same when you want to judge people, once you da set kan mind you that people is tak baik la,jahat la. Benda baik dalam diri org tu or perkara baik yg org tu da buat you tak nampak dah.Sama jugak la kan, bila you kate diri you je yg betul, takde yg salah, mmg tak la nak nampak kesalahan sendiri dan susah nak terima teguran orang lain.

Tapi one thing yang I rase, na cari ALLAH tu, tak kisah pun kat mana you berada. Sebab ALLAH tu ada kat mana2 je. Sesetengah orang laen cara dia cari ALLAH tu, or islam tu sendiri. Tak boleh na kate jalan nak cari ALLAH tu fixed. Islam is flexible. Paling penting kene percaya dan yakin ALLAH tu and pray a lots. Ada orang jumpe islam tu kat tempat yg bukan muslim majority nyer. I pun pelik. Acamano tu? Hidayah ALLAH tu sgt luas. Kene cari. Kene usaha. I believe in that.

Kadang2 bile blajar antropologi and sosiologi ni sgt mencabar dan takut. Tak thu la kalo I sorang je yg rase. Because u might encounter something yang opposite dgn religion. Waktu tu la, otak I fikir punye fikir punye fikir. Kadang2 kecewa sebab agak sukar nak cari jawapan tapi I tahu, cannot give up because finally I dah jumpe course yg betul2 buat I enjoyed study. So, why should I stop? I believe sume masalah ada jalan penyelesaian and I should find it till I puas hati. Bukan senang nak cari satu subject yg you betul2 minat dan enjoyed. That what i feel la kan.

I just reached 20 years old. Still a lot of time for me to find the answer. Alhamdulillah, ALLAH bg bernafas lagi. I have to find as many experience as i can. Experience is the MOST VALUABLE thing yg boleh dapat free saje. Easy kan? =)


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