Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The first of all...

I received a massage from the person i gave him a present today.It makes me so happy.It makes me wanted to smile all the time.I love to give more than get it from someone but it was nice if you received something from another person.Especially,the person that you like.Talk about someone that we like,the person that i gave that present is the first person i like since i'm in MJSC.I still remember when i ask his phone number and he kind of shocked the way i asked him his number:)
But then,he still give me his number and my plan is accomplished.Well,it's a plan because i wanted his number but then i kind of embrassed and that time,only one person know this matter...she is one of my girl friend.I gave him a note while the prep time is running.I wrote..."Uwekkkk" and he laugh at it.I am so jubilant and like him more.

Time elapsed so fast until i didn't remember that he is the person that i like.In the mean time,i didn't realized that he like someone and that someone is someone that i know.She is my first best friend and i love her so much.I didn't realized that and make me suprised.For the first few months,i didn't see any clue that he likes her,so i just let it be.I realized when my friend told me.It make me heartbroken.But they were so good to be together and the fact become more strong when he,himself told me that he actually like her.Well,I supported him and said that i can help him.That what i do.It kind of sad but when i pondered back,i want him to be happy.It was pain to heard that since he is the person that i like.But then,pain is good for you to be more strong to face the future.

The real thing is far more complicated.At the same time,i like his best friend...(gosh,there are many person that i like...:P) That why i didn't felt deeply,madly,truly heartbroken when i heard the truth but the pain is still emerged in my heart because he is the first person that i liked.To be honest,i sometimes got jealous with her whom that he likes.The way he treat her makes me so envied and i wanted that too.I hope the person that i like at that time that is his best friend would do the same thing to me but too much hope is TERRIBLY WRONG!...I was more in pain.I was being hurted so much.I kept locked in myself in the toilet until the prep time is done.

By the time flew away,the pain is much more greater and i can say,i hardly breath.I cant focus on what i do,i kept thinking over that problem.I EVEN DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Thing become more worst when he kept chatting with her almost everyday.Everytime, i heard their conversation,i lost my mind control.I cant get straight what i'm doing at that time.It's irritating and envious.

I slammed my book and dash out from the class and ready to shut myself in the toilet...and crying.I kept thinking why his best friend never ever did what he had did to her.WHY?! A lot of crystal clear never stop glistened on my cheek.I become more weak.Luckily, i've my friends who help me and supported me.They bring me the light when i'm in the darkness.They gave me hope and try to make me more focused.I thanked to them so much!!

Until now i like him and his best friend but i starting to let it be.I'm totally messed up with his best friend.I dont know what to said but i preferred to make him one of my Best friend for now.I willing to help him what i had promised to him before.Anything,the he wanted a help,i willing to lend my hand....


P/S: i dont know whether what i'm doing is right or wrong...sometimes my feeling changes...that what i weak at...

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